


Only Pain You Will Find

by Eylle9



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [21]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Child Murder, FebuWhump2021, Gen, Genocide, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Order 66 (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29656647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eylle9/pseuds/Eylle9
Summary: Febuwhump Day #23 Prompt: Don’t lookThe Jedi were betrayed by the people they accepted as a part of their family. Don’t look, maybe it will ease the pain.
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135274
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	Only Pain You Will Find

**Author's Note:**

> As Master Yoda says, _only pain you will find_.

“Don’t look.” Mace Windu thought as he saw the red lightsaber of Palpatine cutting through his friends.

_‘Don’t look_ at the lifeless faces of Kit, Saesee, and Agen; they are one with the Force now. Don’t look at the person coming, don’t see the doubt on Skywalker’s face. Don’t look at Palpatine’s face, don’t see the satisfaction, don’t see the evil smile as Anakin cuts your hand.’ 

Mace felt the pain of betrayal and the fall of the Jedi Order, the death of his family, as he fell from the highest building of the busy Coruscant sky. 

He closed his eyes while the darkness rose across the galaxy. 

____________________________________ 

“Don’t look.” Master Cin Drallig ordered the padawans next to him, huddled in fear. He ignited his lightsaber, he fought for the life of the padawans, for the life of the younglings. More desperate than perhaps a Jedi should be, he valiantly fought for the younglings in his care, for the future of the Jedi. 

He died at the hands of Anakin Skywalker, once a part of their family now killing them one by one. 

_‘Don’t look_ was the last words of Master Drallig, don’t look when I do whatever I can to save you, don’t look at the eyes of Knight Skywalker, don’t see the betrayal that was painted in them. Don’t look at the troopers once you trusted with your life who you accepted as a part of your family. Don’t look at your friends, it’s a pain you don’t deserve. Don’t look at the face of the person in front of you while dying, maybe this way you won’t feel the shattering of your heart. 

_Don’t look young ones, it is time for us to become one with the Force.’_

____________________________________ 

“Don’t look.” Ki-Adi Mundi told himself as he turned and saw the weapons shooting against him. The shocked expression on his face didn't prevent him from igniting his lightsaber. 

_‘Don’t look_ , don’t see the people you trusted kill you. Don’t look, maybe it will hurt less if you don’t.’ 

He closed his eyes and gave himself to the Force. 

____________________________________ 

“Don’t look.” Aayla Secura thought as she felt a disturbance in the Force. She didn't expect to get shot behind her back. 

_‘Don’t look_ at your men, they would never betray you like that,’ She told herself but she learned the painful truth when she saw what her men were doing. 

‘Don't look at Bly’s eyes, there will be nothing, nothing you shared with each other, just two eyes looking at you like you are a traitor.’ 

It felt like everything was just full of lies, their trust, their friendship… There was nothing. All was gone, just in a moment. 

She closed her eyes as she heard the Force’s calling. 

____________________________________ 

“Don’t look.” Plo Koon whispered to himself as he lost control of his ship. 

_‘Don’t look_ at the people who you thought as a part of your family. You won’t be able to see them anyway, you are falling while they continue on their way. They won’t come back for you, not this time. They were not expendable to you, but did you become expendable in their eyes?’ 

He closed his eyes as he prayed to the Force for other’s safety. 

____________________________________ 

“Don’t look.” Quinlan Vos warned himself as he felt the disturbance in the Force. 

_‘Don’t look_ at the Force, don’t search for Aayla, you know there won’t be anything but an empty spot.' 

He did it anyway, and the absence of his padawan hurt him more than anything could. He was all alone in the galaxy, his family was dead and his home was destroyed. 

____________________________________ 

“Don’t look.” Depa Billaba told her padawan, Caleb Dume. 

_‘Don’t look_ back padawan, you have a life to live. Don’t look at me while I’m dying, it’s the duty of a master to protect their padawans. Go, I will distract them.’ 

She felt the doubt in her padawan, then the guilt he felt after she got shot. 

But in the end, Caleb went away, Depa closed her eyes knowing her padawan was alive. She prayed to the Force to help her padawan to find his way in the galaxy, and people who he could trust while giving her last breath. 

____________________________________ 

“Don’t look.” Ahsoka Tano told herself as she saw the blasters in Rex’s hands. 

_‘Don’t look_ at the shaking hands of your captain, your best friend. You know he doesn't want to do this. Don't look at Rex's face, don't see that single teardrop. 

Don’t look at the helmets that were painted with the markings of your face, it was a way to show their loyalty to you. Don't think they are betraying you. You know the truth, even so, don’t look at them while they are trying to kill you and Rex. Don’t look at their eyes, don’t see their faces, don’t feel their determination to kill you at whatever cost. 

Don’t look while burying their bodies, don’t look at the lightsaber you left behind.’ 

Ahsoka knew she left her life behind as she went next to Rex to leave the planet. 

____________________________________ 

“Look do not.” Yoda thought after prevailing against the two clones who came to kill him. 

_‘Don't look_ at the faces of the men you killed, the ones you taught were their own person, now the difference is gone. You can't separate one from the other in the Force. All is lost. 

Don't look at the younglings whose lifeless bodies fill your home, don’t look at the padawan you taught yesterday, don’t look at the youngling who laughed at a joke you told last week, don’t look at them, don’t see the lightsaber wound that killed them. Don't acknowledge the betrayal. 

Don’t look at Obi-Wan when he is facing the same truth you faced three years ago. Don’t look at him, you know how it feels to lose a padawan to the dark very well, don’t look at your great-grand padawan when he shares your fate.’ 

The grandmaster of the order mourned the deaths he felt as he sensed every member of the Order slipping from life like a falling star, one by one. 

____________________________________ 

“Don’t look,” Obi-Wan Kenobi said as he heard his commander yelling ‘shoot him’. 

_‘Don’t look_ at the brave varactyl, Boga, while falling, she will die and there is nothing you can do to save her, mourn her death as you have done when a loved one was taken from you, several times in your life. Don’t look at Cody when you are leaving the planet behind. Don’t look at your fellow knights and masters, they didn’t deserve this fate. Don’t look at the ruins of your family. 

“Don’t look at the recordings.” Master Yoda says to you, he is trying to protect you from the truth, but you do it anyway because you need to know. You change your idea as soon as you see the person in it. Don’t look at your former padawan, don’t see him on his knees in front of the Sith Lord. Don’t look at him killing the only family you have ever known. 

Don’t look at Padme when you are collapsing her whole world. Don’t look at her eyes when she is lying to your face. Don’t look at her while hearing her begging your former padawan. 

Don’t look at Anakin when he is choking Padme, a pregnant woman with his children. Don’t look at him while fighting for your life. Don’t look at your brother when he is burning in the lava, don’t look at him when he shouts that he hates you. 

Don’t look at Bail, don’t look at Master Yoda, don’t look at the newborn babies. Don’t look at Luke and Leia while their mother is dying. Don't see the lack of life in her eyes. Don’t look at Beru while giving Luke, the boy you swore to protect, to her. 

Don’t look at the twin suns, you will find only pain.’

**Author's Note:**

> [Crazyinfj’s Tumblr! (aka the sobbing beta in the corner)](http://crazyinfj.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Dear everyone, I am sorry for what my friend put you through. This is probably the angsty thing in this whump. _Don’t look at me,_ it’s not my fault. (See what I did there?) Also, I did kinda drag her on the angst bus...so maybe I am a little at fault. But I am so proud of what she’s written. 
> 
> [Eylle9’s Tumblr! (aka the writer who wants the Jedi Order to have a better fate but wrote the death of them instead)](https://tumblr.com/blog/eylle9)
> 
> The Jedi Order deserved so much better, but this was not the fic where they get what they deserve.


End file.
